27 May 2017
Dear Patient Reader:
After considerable thought and pondering here on the edge of the erg, I have decided to come out of my two-year self-imposed exile and get back to what really matters;
a) informing the common American that America just ain’t like that, whatever it is you are thinking it is; me? (I don't know any better, but its MY blog, so kiss it . . . hard)
b) that Republican’s “Got It.” Thanks, Idiots, but you dont!
Let the grown-ups take it from here before Ivanka takes your stupid toys away.
Can you picture him? Our President?
Making vroom- vroom noises as he wipes out the Iberian Peninsula over a bowl of his Crunchy Sugar Bombs, and then blaming it on the Teutonic hordes lorded (ladied?) over by that megalomaniacal, post-menopausal, Strumpet-for-the-Kaiser Angela Merkel? We all know what a savage she really is.
The worst despots really do come from Germany, am I right? C'mon over here and High five, guy who still High-Fives . . .
But the real reason I am coming back is because, goddammit, I am still tired of this shit-hole human race and the shitty things we do to one another, and in these last two years, y’all have done nothing about it. Were y'all asleep at the switch?
In fact, we went from having an empathetic and compassionate man in the oval office to having Shakes the Motherfucking Clown in there. We have white-pride bastards
fighting with Jews.
In the West Wing.
How fucking insane is that? And we know that The Donald is still running around the White House corridors trying all the doors and what does this switch fucking do?
and he’s still running around 1600 Penn Ave
playing GRAB-ASS with the hotties in skirts (with the really mini mini skirts being the predatory dress code),
I mean, when it comes down to it, I thought my job was over. I thought ok, we got rid of George W.
and his wanton murder spree in the Middle East.
Then we had a Kenyan for president, who ran this country as if it were his own homeland. You know. Like he loved America. Dumbass.
What a noble savage . . . Hakuna Matata, Obama.
You know, as a rite of passage, he had to kill a lion with his bare hands!! Yeah! Those things at the distal ends of his arms!
Fuck. Wrong Leader of the Free World...
Sorry, but that’s Shaft-level One Bad Motherfuckery! I don't care who y'all are. Except you Birthers. Good Harold Christ. Still? Really Right Now?
And finally, you bring that all crashing down by hiring a shitty, at best, CEO
So watch out, everyone . . . The Fox is BACK,
and he’s HUNGRY! I got my eye on you! Yeah, you over there. I see you. Fuck stick.
So . . . I think it’s time to write our first pages in this new chapter. One I like to call,
OhMiGod, What the Fuck Did We Just Do?
So . . . shall we begin?
Well, where do we start?
Gregg Allman just died. Sure, he was a rat, but a Rockin’ rat, and that really goes a long way.
To not getting taunted by others (shank-shank-shank) and all that, I’d say he’s had a pretty good life eatin’ peaches and playing keyboards. At least he’s back with Duane . . .
Maybe I should rant about . . . well, fuck’s sake . . . where does a Ninja begin? Look around and tell me where a good place to start is.
Russia is our new Bestie, didja know? The Red, White, and Blue for whom Trump IS Presidential:
But that’s ok. Why not elect a billionaire with a track record of reneging on his obligations and countersuing employees and others who are trying to get what is owed to them?
I mean, you don’t become a billionaire by giving it away, right? No, the only things that matter to Trump are free materials and labor, and whatever he can fit his fingers into.
Jesus . . . I kept so quiet during the campaigns and the election . . . I even let that Milestone 100 Days come and go and kept my big sexy mouth closed.
I was calling him President Trump last summer, without a hint of irony, because I, like H.L. Mencken, never got poor underestimating the stupidity of the American people. God, we can be some great individuals though, huh? Some smart men and women who figured out so many things about the intricacies and beauty of life . . . things that propel us, as a species, forward:
Written language, and machines like levers and wheels and pulleys, and medicines for all sorts of ailments . . . and of course, specifically, antibiotics. Fleming, you awesome Scottish bastard!
We had the renaissance and shut the door on the Dark Ages . . . you know, when an entire civilization gets bogged down with the illusion of a kind, wish-granting old man in the sky sprinkling the sweet glitter of angel turds all over our lives . . . you know . . . days long gone. We’ve come so far.
We had Carl Sagan, for fuck’s sake.
Peter Ward and Stephen J. Gould and Oliver Sacks and Albert Einstein . . . Sherlock Holmes and Gregory House. Encyclopedia Brown, fa chrissakes! Some of the greatest inquiring minds decided to ask, “What the fuck is that over there, and what does it taste like?”