3 June 2014
0711 hrs
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Well, Good Morning Patient Reader
Here we are
again, and I am tardy, which is not to rare these days. I apologize for the dearth of postings,
recently. This is finals week and things
are coming down to the wire. I have
three projects in various stages of completion, and they are all due Thursday.
I also will
be starting a job in the Media Arts department, handling the equipment. Heh Heh.
I said handling the equipment.
Well, the personal life is
getting no better. Throes of Depression,
still but, what the fuck can you do? I
can make an appointment with the therapist but you know, with my insurance, or
lack thereof, I might as well just hang up.
Now don’t
get me wrong, Patient Reader, I take Depression seriously and do not make light
of suicide. It would be easy/difficult
to off myself, but I think about the admonitions I have given others
contemplating suicide: what if it’ll be
better in 15 minutes? And if it isn’t,
what if it will be better after another 15
minutes, ad infinitum?
A Surprisingly Long List of People Who've Attempted Suicide
From Mental Floss Magazinementalfloss.com
Halle Berry - admitted to Parade magazine that, distraught over her failed marriage to baseball star David Justice, she tried to end her life by carbon monoxide poisoning.
Greg Louganis - depressed, abused and confused, Greg attempted suicide three times (including once by an aspirin-and-Ex Lax combo) after a knee injury at age 12 ruined his dream of becoming an Olympic gymnast. Luckily, he recovered, and made it to the Games as a diver.
James Stockdale - H. Ross Perot's former running mate attempted suicide while a POW at Hoa Lo Prison in Vietnam in 1969 to avoid torture.
Donna Summer - tried to leap from an 11-story window at a New York hotel at the peak of her career in 1976, but was discovered by a housekeeper.
Drew Carey - after a rough childhood that included sexual molestation by an unknown party and his father's death, the lovable Price is Righthost attempted suicide twice in his teen years.
Mike Wallace - in a 2006 retrospective honoring his retirement as a 60 Minutes correspondent, Wallace revealed a suicide attempt twenty years prior.
Paul Robeson - the "Ol' Man River" vocalist tried to off himself by slashing his wrists in a Moscow hotel room in 1961, although his son (Paul Jr.) claims the event was caused by a CIA/FBI conspiracy that drugged him with LSD.
Elizabeth Taylor - hoped to end her life in February 1962 with an overdose of Seconal, although she said she did so only because she "needed to get away."
Fred "Rerun" Berry - the What's Happening!! star said he tried to kill himself three times prior to finding religion in 1984.
Robert Young - yes, even the Father Knows Best father fell victim to depression later in life, culminating in a 1991 attempt on his own life.
And an alphabetical list of some others:
Maxene Andrews - survived after attempting suicide via a pill overdose in 1954, distraught over the breakup of the vocal group she'd formed with her siblings, The Andrews Sisters.
Adam Ant - tried to OD on pills in his early 20s after breaking up with his girlfriend.
Mary Astor - alcoholism led to a reported suicide attempt in 1951 with sleeping pills; she maintained it was an accident.
Tai Babilonia - attempted suicide after she became addicted to alcohol and amphetamines following her Olympic skating disappointment in 1980.
Drew Barrymore - after leaving drug rehab in 1989 at the age of 14, she tried to kill herself, but received treatment and successfully kicked the habit.
Brigitte Bardot - attempted suicide several times, first as a teenager. At 26, she downed a bottle of sleeping pills and slit her wrists, but recovered. "I took pills because I didn't want to throw myself off my balcony and know people would photograph me lying dead below."
Danny Bonaduce - made headlines by attempting suicide in 2005 during the filming of the reality show Breaking Bonaduceafter his wife asked him for a divorce. Neither the attempt (nor the subsequent hospitalization) was shown on-screen.
Maria Callas - frustrated with her efforts to lure Aristotle Onassis away from then-wife Jackie Kennedy, she reportedly tried to OD on barbiturates in May 1970 (but later denied the attempt).
Martine Carol - thought that a triple-whammy of alcohol, drugs, and drowning would end her life when this French actress threw herself into the Seine at the age of 26. The cab driver who drove her there ended up saving her life.
Nell Carter - became addicted to cocaine and attempted suicide during the run of her hit TV show Gimme a Break.
Johnny Cash - in 1967, the "man in black" withdrew to a cave just north of Chattanooga, Tennessee, hoping to lose his way (and his life). He found his way out.
Gary Coleman - announced in 1993 that he had tried to commit suicide twice by taking sleeping pills.
Nadia Comaneci - while she denied it for years, the gymnastics legend was so stressed out (due to several factors, including her parents' divorce) that she tried to end her life by drinking bleach just two years after her 1976 Olympics success.
Sammy Davis, Jr. - the biography Me and My Shadow reveals that a distraught Davis, fed up with cracks about his race, religion, and height, tried to kill himself on his wedding night by driving off a cliff.
Diana, Princess of Wales - told an interviewer that she threw herself down some stairs while pregnant with William, hoping to put an end to her unhappiness.
Walt Disney - the Leonard Mosley biography Disney's World reveals a rumored suicide attempt.
Micky Dolenz - performed a suicide scene in The Monkees' 1968 film Head, then tried it for real a few years later after the band had broken up by walking into traffic and sitting down in the roadway.
Patty Duke - bipolar disorder resulted in several attempted suicides during her life.
Eminem - tried to overdose on Tylenol in 1996 after wife Kim Mathers dumped him. She attempted suicide four years later by slitting her wrists.
Marianne Faithfull - attempted suicide in Australia 1969, after which she broke up with boyfriend Mick Jagger of The Rolling Stones.
Peter Fonda - in 1950, a few months after his mother committed suicide, the 10-year-old shot himself in the stomach. Claims it was "stupid and accidental," but some believe it was the youngster's attempt at taking his own life.
Clark Gable - hoped to die during a high-speed motorbike rampage shortly after wife Carol Lombard was killed. He then joined the Army and flew missions over Germany during World War II.
Stan Getz - the celebrated saxophonist became addicted to heroin and tried to kill himself with a drug overdose in 1954 when police confronted him over an ill-fated attempt to rob a Seattle pharmacy. He spent three days in a coma.
Dwight "Doc" Gooden - in 1994, the troubled former Cy Young Award winner held a 9mm pistol to his head before his wife took it from him.
Ken Griffey, Jr. - in 1988, just months after signing a lucrative pro baseball contract, the 18-year-old ingested over 200 aspirin to escape insults from fans and arguments with his father. He recovered after time in intensive care.
Mariette Hartley - attempted suicide (as did her mother) after her father died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound in 1962. Now an advocate for suicide prevention.
Susan Hayward - the breakup of marriage to Jess Barker, and the related custody battle for her sons, led to a 1966 suicide attempt.
Houston - the R&B singer was stopped after he tried to throw himself out of a hotel window in 2005, and then gouged out his own eye. Reports vary as to the reason behind this behavior.
Betty Hutton - her father killed himself after leaving her mother. In 1970, Betty tried to take her own life when her singing voice faltered.
Michael Jackson - in June 2005, a bogus, trojan-laced email reporting on a suicide attempt by the "king of pop" (just before he was found not guilty) infected computers worldwide. While that report was false, some sources claim Jackson did try to off himself that December.
Billy Joel - after the failure of his band Attila, attempted suicide in late 1970 by drinking furniture polish. "It looked tastier than bleach," he later revealed.
Elton John - tried to kill himself by sticking his head in a gas stove, but writing partner Bernie Taupin found him "lying on a pillow, and he'd opened all the windows." The two collaborated on the song "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" to tell the story.
Sally Kirkland - the actress spent her 20s mired in drugs until a suicide attempt literally scared her straight.
Shelley Long - despite tabloid reports that her 2004 overdose on painkillers was a suicide attempt, the Cheers star claims she simply overmedicated herself in order to cope with the breakup of her marriage to Bruce Tyson.
Ginger Lynn - at the age of 12, the future porn star ingested a cocktail of medications to escape from her mother's constant abuse.
Jeanette MacDonald - tried to overdose on pills after learning of Nelson Eddy's marriage in 1939; was saved by W.S. Van Dyke (who later killed himself).
Mindy McCready - the country singer announced in 2005 that she had twice attempted suicide due to problems with boyfriend William McKnight, who had once nearly choked her to death.
Robert McFarlane - the National Security Advisor tried to end his life in 1987 over his involvement with the Iran-Contra scandal. He took an estimated 30 tablets of Valium.
Sinéad O'Connor - claims to have been haunted by thoughts of suicide her whole life. Reportedly attempted it in 1993, and then swallowed 20 Valium tablets in a failed 1999 suicide attempt.
Jennifer O'Neill - first attempted suicide at the age of 14, and then "accidentally" shot herself in the stomach in 1983, but recovered.
Ozzy Osbourne - not only did he supposedly inspire self-slaughter with the song "Suicide Solution," but Ozzy admits to having attempted to off himself several times during his life, even as a teenager.
Marie Osmond - The National Enquirer reported that the singer's hospitalization in the summer of 2006 was due to an attempted suicide, but she and her publicists wrote it off to a reaction to medication.
Terrell Owens - the volatile NFL star denied a September 2006 report that he'd tried to kill himself by overdosing on prescription painkillers he had been taking for a broken finger.
Charlie Parker - the jazz legend known as "The Bird" wanted to end his life in 1954, but failed in two attempts. He was then admitted to the Bellevue clinic, where he received much-needed therapy.
Barbara Payton - in a love triangle with Franchot Tone and Tom Neal, she ingested several sleeping pills in an attempt on her own life, but was discovered by Tone. (See Jean Wallace entry below.)
Dennis Price - consumed by alcohol, the tall British actor left the gas on in his oven at his London apartment in 1954. A servant found him and summoned help.
Richard Pryor - later admitted that the fire that injured him while free-basing cocaine in June 1980 was really a suicide attempt.
Martha Raye - after breaking up with husband David Rose, she went into a depression and took an overdose of sleeping pills in 1956, but recovered.
Nina Simone - the singer attempted suicide due to depression and a sense of helplessness after being attacked in London during the mid-1970s.
Britney Spears - earlier this year, tabloid headlines claimed that the pop diva had experienced a breakdown and tried to kill herself twice, first by walking into traffic, then by ODing on Xanax.
Tina Turner - in her biography I, Tina, she revealed a failed suicide attempt in 1968.
Mike Tyson - in September 1988, the then-undisputed heavyweight champion crashed his car into a tree in what the New York Daily Newsdescribed as a suicide attempt.
Vanilla Ice - in 1994, less than five years from the peak of his success, the depressed rapper twice tried to kill himself.
Jean Wallace - the actress hoped to end her life with sleeping pills in 1946 while married to Franchot Tone, then by stabbing herself in 1949 after their divorce.
Tuesday Weld - began drinking at a young age and attempted suicide at the tender age of 12 by ingesting aspirin, sleeping pills, and a bottle of gin. "I had fallen in love with a homosexual and, when it didn't work out, I felt hurt."
Hank Williams, Jr. - the combination of drugs and alcohol abuse led to a suicide attempt in early 1974.
Brian Wilson - some sources claim the Beach Boys genius tried to kill himself in the mid-1980s, a low point from which he has since rebounded.
September 4, 2007 - 11:00pm
I know it
sounds as if I have adopted optimism in circumstances such as these, but really
I haven’t. I simply believe I am using
reason as best I can to overcome emotion.
Sometimes it works; sometimes not.
So far, on this subject at least, it has.
But enough
of that. I have made a friend, or as
close to a friend as I can make, I reckon.
She is pretty great; funny and smart . . . the latter of which is most important to
me. As a bonus, she has a well . . .
rockin’ body, if I may be so indelicate.
(c) Properfessor
We enjoy
being around each other, and things are progressing smoothly. Is she going to jump off with the craziness I
have experienced with 100% of the women in my past? Most assuredly. I just hope it’s later and not sooner. WTFK? But as we both agreed, we’ll ride this
motherfucker until the wheels come off.
(c) Properfessor
Now, this
philosophy of mine works until it doesn’t.
Every woman out there in my age group preference, well say, 30 to 55 (anyone
younger or older and there is a cultural difference), seems to like the idea of
a no-strings-attached relationship. At
first. They seem to be, even recently,
out of some sort of painful relationship, or at least, painful in some
fashion. It was either a bad
relationship from the get, or the break-up was bad. Sound familiar, Patient Reader Who Has Had
This Sort of Relationship?
Fine and
dandy. As many of you know, at least the
CFFers who have been with me from the start, I will treat a woman just as I
treat all of my friends. I do not become
violent or abusive, physically, mentally or emotionally. Spiritually?
No fucking such thing. Besides,
the other three cover the last, if you do it right.
I don’t
cheat; there may be readers out there who think I have, but even they admitted
we were on a “break.” I sound so very
Ross-like when I say that, and the Pop-Culture reference I give to you gratis, Patient Reader.
Even the
other party (ies) has admitted this fact, that we were on a “break,” (technically,
she told me that she wanted me to leave her be, and her tone did not mean for
the next 10 minutes) but felt grievously harmed that there was, in their eyes,
an insufficient grieving period on my part.
You know, grieving for the death of the relationship. Jesus Harold Christ on a Rubber Fucking
Crutch.
On a side
tangent, Jesus Christ is not a cuss word.
Jesus Christ was not his name, and when the scripture was written in the
form of the Third Commandment, god was speaking, and he meant Yahweh, the name of god that the
orthodox Jews are forbidden to utter.
Christ
means “anointed one” or “anointed” in Greek (which means that an oily substance
or an unguent was applied), and I will not apologize because you fucking
zealots have made a misinterpretation of the not-that-good book. So get your noses out of the homophobic, misogynistic,
misanthropic Pauline Epistles and read some other books in that collection of “the
word of god” upon which you base your eternal salvation . . .
Wow . .
. I do digress, but I do it do well,
Patient Reader. A lesser man would not
be up to the task.
As some of
you may recall, several months ago I asked an unscientific-poll question: How
long is an adequate grieving period. The
short answer the majority of you gave?
As long as it takes to get over it.
That makes
sense to me. Once the break-up happens, I
no longer live my life for that person.
What the fuck? Why put this
blinking existence on hold to wait who-the-fuck-knows-how-long for the other
person to tell you it’s OK to move on?
Does that really make any sense to you, Patient Reader?
“I want no
more contact with you, but I want you to pine for me or whatever the fuck,
until I am healed and instruct you to carry on with your life.” C’mon; we all recognize this as bullshit.
So is this
new woman going to blow-up Bat-Shit crazy?
Probably. But the severity of the
Bat-Shit crazy is directly proportional to the limitations of my tolerance. If you are Claire Dunphy Crazy, then
cool. If you are Joan Crawford Crazy,
then I will nod and smile and back out the door. Life is too short to spend it rolling my
eyes.
If someone
is that miserable with you, then call the whole thing off, right? If saying that to him/her makes him/her think
that you are the one who desires the end of the relationship, then maybe that’s
the truth. Who wants to live in misery with
someone who is miserable with you? Fuck that.
Overcome inertia, part friends (actually, you should have parted long
before things got ugly), and move on with your life. Overcome that fucking inertia of which I have
been speaking pretty much since I began this blog a year ago. I mean, c’mon! Why piss away life on the futility of a
broken and irreparable relationship?
That’s not
to say don’t give it a chance. Just be
sure to pull your head out of Denial’s Asshole before you are trapped in a
miasma. Before you marry or IS forbid,
she gets pregnant. Babies are, typically
speaking, the gorilla glue that seals a couple in, at the very least, an
awkward situation.
The other
woman with whom there is a mutual interest has not yet revealed her
neuroses. She knows that I am a jaded,
cynical pessimist who has no faith in god OR humanity, and she is a
Catholic. Still, we get together on the
weekends and she still texts me throughout the week and we have fun . . . but she knows who I am, and has from the get.
What is
going to happen when they decide that it is time I start telling them I love
them? When behavior is not enough? When telling them those three mysterious
words (to me) means more to them than treating them as if I did? When is everything I can give ever going to
be enough?
So shall I leave you to the rest of your day, Patient
Reader? Splendid!
Always,
The Cunning Fennec Fox
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